Border (2002)

This film is mesmerising for all the right reasons.  There is so much that a historian can guage about Pakistani attitudes and lifestyle in the years post 9/11.  It reflects the ordinary person’s perceptions of world politics and peddles a skewered vision of the world.  A viewer can learn so much about the mindset of those who shaped the film and the rationale for its existence. 

Practically, the film business is about making a profit.  Gadar in India was an astounding success in India, but I have yet to encounter a Pakistani who watches desi films and hasn’t seen it.  Everyone has, however offensive it is towards Muslims, ticket bought, video watched, streamed, downloaded; we have gone out of our way to make an effort to watch an Indian film that spewed venom towards Muslims.  But at the same time, the benefactor of all this has been Anil Sharma, whose life was made. 

How would Lollywood make a film that similarly appeals to the local masses?  You cast Shaan for starters, and then you write a script so bombastic and replete with line after line that spews bravura, bombastic nationalism, AKA Patriotism, chest-thumping, heroic posturing, writing that astounds and then delights by its disconnect.  Movies have constantly peddled dreams, but this one comes off more as a horrifying warning sign, and look where we find ourselves in 2023.  Those who experience life in Pakistan may have differences—especially those who, 20 years ago, watched this film and cheered on its most offensive scenes.  If you spin dreams in Lollywood or otherwise, those scenes are now Pakistani reality. 

So, in 2002, to make that money, you planned a populist script designed to appeal to a broad spectrum of cinema-goers.  This film and its language, tone, ideals, and themes should please the majority and, thus, most profit.  Thirdly, an element of Pakistani Cinema felt it needed to respond (for lack of a better word) to how Gadar had its own skewered depiction aimed at maximum financial gain that was offensive to Muslims and Pakistanis.   Border was fired back as that “tight slap” to India and others who dared to cast aspersions at the Pakistani border, which was, as all of you know, primarily drawn by a British diplomat and cuts through the nations of Punjab and Bengal as though drawn by some 5-year-old budding Picasso. 

Politics aside, the film is a farce from the get-go right till the very last frame.  On a technical level, it could be a lot worse and one particular dance number on Rana and Reema partially shot among Heineken stickers in Dubai is cinematic brilliance, and the choreography, especially around the swimming pool with white girls dancing behind our couple in Dubai is scintillating.  White girls as backup dancers is as good as it gets.

The scene of righteous Major Shaan taking over a court session simply by walking into and unloading is another one aimed at having the public roaring and clapping their approval.  It appears that Lollywood-style Army Majors can stroll into any court and reprieve a judge for his verdict if he feels like it.  In this scene, Shaan (Major Khaled) treats the inept judge with utter contempt.  The fantastic scenes about the evils of Cable TV spreading vice and filth, with a male servant falling for his employer’s daughter after she shows him Kate Winslett’s knockers, in Titanic, has the poor man feeling some type of way and the pheromones do the rest.  Incidentally, the knowledgable Pakistani Censor Board and their legal expertise led them to plagiarise knowingly and blatantly condone copyright abuse in 2002 as the film clearly shows clips from Titanic even though they dubbed the audio with local disco sounds punctuated with “Ooohs and Aaaaahs”.  Hello Censor Board??  You just stole a world blockbuster and depicted it (bare breasts and all) and a sleazy double X film and completely trampled all over world copyright laws in the most incredible manner.  But, as nobody gives a toss, you can do what you like.  So, no worries there.  No theft or disrespect there, no law broken. 

Fortunately, since then, filmmaking has been in the hands of a more savvy lot, and such shocking theft would never occur, especially after the protracted Maula Jat legal wrangle.  Nowadays, there is money to be sniffed at every opportunity and stealing scenes from a worldwide blockbuster wouldn’t be such a great idea.

The irony that the cable man’s daughter turns into a nymphomaniac is poetic, prophetic justice as the local Maulvi, on a tirade against cable TV, warned of impending doom moments ago. 

The boxing match at the World Boxing Championship is another beauty.  Never has Dubai been represented in finer light.  The Boxing event occurs at an impressive venue adjacent to The Atlantis’s Sharukh Khan Underwater Suite.  The audience is thrilled and on tenterhooks as another tension-filled scene unfolds, and the fight doesn’t start so well for Major Khaled, with Major Bharat enjoying the upper hand.  Inevitably, after a few rocky moments, Major Shaan sends him flying, literally.  Watching from the plush, state-of-the-art auditorium stands, admiring the Pakistani major’s fabulous muscles and handsomeness is the Indian Ambassador’s daughter Preeti (Sana).  Within seconds she is smitten (which man or woman could resist), and they sing sultry love songs together. 

Hunky boxing World Boxing Champion and hugely respected Major Khaled opens her eyes to how horrible and meaningless everything about her life is in India as a Hindu Kuttay ki bachchi.  The phrase Hindu Kuttay is used enough to offend all dog lovers, at the very least.  Sad this the feeling is reciprocated.  People here and there tend to behead a few poor people.  burn their shops and destroy their livelihoods.  Go on a rampage to protect the honour of people long deceased who really couldn’t give a toss about what you are doing with your insignificant lives, to begin with.  Again, you so wish it was all about you, and it is.  But then it’s camouflaged very nicely to “save your Honour”.  So it should be.  as they say, Death Before Dishonour.  Some would say, let’s talk about it.  Those Karen snowflakes! 

Sadly, despite all these efforts, the film didn’t set the box office on fire.  We need more such films where the booming voiceovers and projection of national heroes and martyrs are beamed down at us so that tomorrow we can be inspired by them and by Shaan in his avatar of Major Khalid, Pakistani Superman. 

Once you have enjoyed the movie on the level of being just a masala movie, which it is.  You can then go into analysing between the lines and learning so much about the state of affairs in 2002.  How they have helped the nation progress to 2023—intolerance and hatred fuelled by wily politicians and fearmongers have increased a hundredfold on both sides of the border.  America has woken up, The Afghan Cause is now a forgotten cause, and the world has moved on because people are more interested in making money and having better lives amidst collapsing economies.  Most Pakistanis appear to agree, as recent figures suggest that in August 2023, 10 to 40 thousand young men and women are applying for passports daily, and most aren’t considering going sightseeing.  The brain drain problem in Pakistan today is enormous, but will anyone dare to be honest about why this is so?  Wouldn’t asking that one question be a far more patriotic thing to do than make a ghastly but stupendously entertaining film like Border?  It depends on your point of view. 

These days it is almost punishable even to have a point of view, let alone express it.  And yet we have General Elections where the People vote for rule by the people through their vote.  In a democracy, the voter means something. 

Minor issues, really; as long as we win some crap T-20 tournament somewhere, all is well. 

Border is a thoroughly enjoyable film, and since some of us need more fire in our bellies, I shall next watch Soldier, which hopefully has at least as many rousing scenes of Patriotism as this Border had—head-spinning and rousing stuff, if a little giggle-inducing on occasion.

Meanwhile, Iqbal Kashmiri Border is cannon fodder aimed at the lowest common factor.  It is between the lines that the film is fascinating and very, very funny, unintentionally.  Also, prophetic and sad.

Of the actors, Shaan is in his element while Moamar Rana shocks with his dancing skills.   He also excels in the fake close-ups when he is supposed to fly through the air as a trapeze artist at the Lucky Irani Circus.  The ineptitude is charming.  Sana sizzles as Preeti, the Indian girl who realises she was born evil but can find redemption.  Reema is a Barbie Doll in a Barbie World, while Naghma plays an old lady who needs help, and the rest of the cast do their thing well.   The scenes of the lusting couple corrupted by watching filthy sex movies like Titanic on Daddy’s Cable are among the strongest in the film.  Delectable.

Babar Ali and the others playing Indians have perfected and proved the evil scowl.  A movie of deep meaning and supremely entertaining, even if it’s a worthless piece of garbage to the infidels and fitna lot.  They will learn.  Or maybe they will say “Tauba”, and all is forgiven, for men at the very least.  After all, God is Benevolent and Merciful and will always support Righteous Men.  Go and watch Border as soon as possible on Youtube before someone horrid woke person complains about it.  Especially if your sister, mother or daughter is watching cable TV, you must save them before it is too late.  Burn all copies of Titanic, to begin with, and have your local Maulvi issue a Fatwa against such obscenity at the first opportunity.  Get Maria B involved, she will save our children.